A Christmas Message for the Docta and the Babes at the Pia Zadora Golden Buckeye....

Phil Tarman

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Twas the night before Christmas at Rock-Away Rest,
and all of us seniors were looking our best.

Our glasses, how sparkly, our wrinkles, how merry;
Our punchbowl held prune juice plus three drops of sherry.

A bedsock was taped to each walker, in hope
That Santa would bring us soft candy and soap.

We surely were lucky to be there with friends,


Secure in this residence and in our Depends.

Our grandkids had sent us some Christmasy crafts,
Like angels in snowsuits and penguins on rafts.

The dental assistant had borrowed our teeth,
And from them she'd crafted a holiday wreath.

The bed pans, so shiny, all stood in a row,
Reflecting our candle's magnificent glow.

Our supper so festive -- the joy wouldn't stop --
Was creamy warm oatmeal with sprinkles on top.

Our salad was Jell-O, so jiggly and great,
Then puree of fruitcake was spooned on each plate.

The social director then had us play games,
Like "Where Are You Living?" and "What Are Your Names?"

Old Grandfather Looper was feeling his oats,
Proclaiming that reindeer were nothing but goats.

Our resident wand'rer was tied to her chair,
In hopes that at bedtime she still would be there.

Security lights on the new fallen snow
Made outdoors seem noon to the old folks below.

Then out on the porch there arose quite a clatter
(But we are so deaf that it just didn't matter).

A strange little fellow flew in through the door,
Then tripped on the sill and fell flat on the floor.

Twas just our director, all togged out in red.
He jiggled and chuckled and patted each head.

We knew from the way that he strutted and jived
Our social- security checks had arrived.

We sang -- how we sang -- in our monotone croak,
Till the clock tinkled out its soft eight-p.m. stroke.

And soon we were snuggling deep in our beds.
While nurses distributed nocturnal meds.

And so ends our Christmas at Rock-Away Rest.
Before long you'll be with us, We wish you the best!
 

docta

Guest
Thanks a million, Phil, and Merry Christmas to you and everybody else, as well.....this really captures the essence and spirit of holiday life at the Pia Zadora Memorial Golden Buckeye Retirement Home and Assisted Living Center here in lovely eastern Ohio and at the thousands of other similar establishments in the world......hope you get a chance to visit someone you know in one of them this Christmas season, as they will be gone soon, and you will be joining us before you know it....not a bad gig, though, but you will find that time flies as you age......Andy Rooney had it right when he said, "Life is like a roll of toilet paper; the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes". Here at the Retirement Home, my time clock is spinning faster than Clark Griswalds's electric meter on Christmas Eve.....the guys all seem to check out first, so take good care of yourself and you will end up surrounded mostly by "babes" as I am.......this is better than my days in the witness protection program when I had what amounted to a universal get-out-of-jail-free card and beat a charge of assault with a deadly weapon.....these days when I chase the babes in their walkers, it ends of being assault with a dead weapon.......besides, I've reached the stage of life where I wear my reading glasses just so I can see to shave.....thanks again for thinking of us geezers.......
Always ride safely and keep your airspeed under control.

TW
 
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Phil Tarman

Phil Tarman

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Guys, I have to confess. My talent consisted solely of cutting and pasting. I don't know who wrote it, but I liked it.
 

Bear

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I love it! The irreverent Phil Tarman.
I refuse to be politically correct-------so Have a Blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year.
 
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